The ocean loves you
LITTLE BILLY LOVED THE OCEAN BUT ONE DAY THE OCEAN LEFT... BILLY CRIED, THINKING THE OCEAN DIDN'T LOVE HIM BACK BOY WAS HE WRONG @RAPHCOMICFJODO THANKS TO MARTIN!

Im glad i can watch 2 ads now
Oh yes, lovely - YouTube ads And look! More YouTube ads.

Double standards
Caller:

How?
how are unicorns fake but giraffes are real like what's more believable a horse with a horn or a leopard-moose-camel with a 40 foot neck

Plot twist
REMEMBER, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR I WISH FOR A UNICORN! YOU DIDN'T SAY IT HAD TO BE ALIVE! NO, THIS IS PERFECT

Sleep well
My mom: Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite Me after accidentally sleeping loose:

Pro tip
When the wife sends me to the store to get cucumbers, I grab vaseline as well. Cant let people think Im vegan.

Dove
Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap

It runs
When someone asks a mac user about spec's It seems to run on some form of electricity. EF

Science Bitch!
Thanks to advancements in technology, this young deer is now able to walk again .